My pop reviews

Panamanian Baseball season is coming to an end, and much like Americans must have felt after the long drawn out writers strike, I am happy to be able to actually watch something on TV besides brutes hitting a ball or fear factor idiots eating tarantula testicles.

During the cultural drought, I was forced to watch +23, Panama's equivalent of MTV. Not being the biggest fan of the whole pop movement, and having been neglected of cable access as a child, the whole music video thing isnt anything that I claim to really understand or particularly enjoy. And being somewhat removed from American culture makes some of references more perplexing, or thought provoking.

However, I have lived off the thing for the past three weeks. In a cultural vaccuum, there can only be so much leisure reading, and only so many music videos can be stimulating. So without furthur preamble, here are the reviews and questions that have been aroused through such stimulation:

Avril Lavigne: What happened here? Her next album should be "How to go from Teenage Angsty to Prostitue in 2 short years". Or Maybe "Complete Image shift". When did she stop being angry? And the blond hair? I guess that must have been when she realized that selling out to pop meant continually protraying yourself as a sex idol and people who are mad and have big black mascara eyes didnt really fit the whole pop-star mold. That or she just had some sex herself and doesnt have as much built up angst.

James Blunt: What is with all his videos being this front on shot of him just staring blankly into the camera. I mean, just a little creepy. And know we know why he just wants to be high. Its apparently the only way he knows how to live.

Backstreet Boys: Boy band gone wrong. Receeding Hairlines start to take away some of the sex appeal. And whats up with the movements. Maybe it is a dramatic song, but it doesnt merit gestures straight out of Thriller.

Duffy: You've got me begging for mercy that you WILL STOP SINGING! I mean, just becuase air comes out of your nose doesnt mean we should sing out of it. There are plenty other orifices from which air exits from our bodies, but last time I checked we didn't sing out of those. Please, MERCY! UNCLE! MONKEY! WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO YELL TO GET YOU STOP! We've had enough of a the pop equivalent of fingernails on a blackbird.

Mariah Carey: You are like at least 40. Stop dressing like a seventeen year old. And what happened to your gospel roots? I mean, we appreciate your supersonic voice and the power it has to clear our sinuses, but please. Just becuase you got a set of pipes doesnt mean we want to see your boobs and verify that you really do need a bra.

The Jonas Brothers: No talent ass clowns. I mean, if I knew Sony BMG was giving out record deals for being able to scream "HOLD ON!" into a microphone, gel my hair to one side and put pink blush on my cheeks, well, hell, I would be rich already. Come on. Apparently I missed out on that boat. When will Hanson stop mainfesting itself in every musical generation?

So thats it. Maybe I need to just stick to the indie music that I am really starting to love. I am going to go do some Devotchka...